Listen, old friend. We’ve shared some good times. But I can see you growing old. You only last me 45 minutes at a time. And everything runs so slow. Your software isn’t up to date. You have way more potential. Besides… there’s a better you in town. Can’t download Candy Crush ‘cause I ran out of space. You take 3 hours just to install an update. Friends are all confused because my texts are always late. And when did Siri forget how to say my name!? Stuck in parking lots; my Uber app won’t work. Confusing this toaster with the Wi-Fi network!? When I’m jogging, you say I’ve only taken 5 steps. And what the hell is this auto-correct!? If I only had a phone, That didn’t order Seamless twice, Whenever I order Chinese rice. My little friend, you’re getting old. If only there was something new. Hey wait a minute… is that you!? iPhone X. $999. It scans your face like a creep online. Buy the iPhone X! Throw out your phone. Give us your cash. For a personal emoji machine. It comes with… Super Retina, HDR, Face ID, a Neural Engine, TrueDepth Camera, cool new flash, 4K60, and new software. It’s all screen!? Oh my God! Take my cash! Please! Take it now! I’ll even give you this guy! If you only had a phone, That really got you in the zone, Whenever you’re flying your cool drone. Your little friend, now I’ve been told, Look at it, it’s 6 years old. And we’ve created something bold! iPhone X. $999. It scans your face like a creep online. Buy the iPhone X! Throw out your phone. Give us your cash. For a personal emoji machine. If I only had a phone, That didn’t always die on me, Whenever I’m watching Bee Movie. My little friend, you’re getting old. Your camera makes me look real bad, I need a phone that’s totally rad. iPhone X. $999. It scans your face like a creep online. (x2) Buy the iPhone X! Throw out your phone. Give us your cash. For a phone that’ll be outdated next year and you’ll buy it anyway.